Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
