I don't think brook has ever known best
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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