dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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