I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
