the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
