I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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