I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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