I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
