"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
