Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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