8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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