There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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