you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
