You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
