Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
