i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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