I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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