Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
