p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You ruined the universe
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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