Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am mentally ready for anal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
