I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
