Nicole vs. Life
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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