M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
