I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
