you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
