we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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