Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
