Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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