I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
