i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
