i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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