sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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