I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
