why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
