Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
not ubering you a puppy
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