who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
