I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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