I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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