I could have mohawked her pubes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
