I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
