I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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