so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
