please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
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We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?