sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties