i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.