actually, I'm a sock model
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.