I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
