before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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