His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
