i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
