Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
