My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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