I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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