how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
