We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
