I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
