I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
