Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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