Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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