Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
