What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
