I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
