I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
