Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize