he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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