I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
