i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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