Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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