dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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