He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
