We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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