it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
