Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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