what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
