Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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