Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
