So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
a search helicopter?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
