kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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