how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
