I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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