dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
