All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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